Must warn about the R-rated language, though.

Laugh now, but this information just might be important one day.

In related news, how come nobody ever told me that Deep Rising was so much fun?

Disney is finally giving a DVD release to the last three Studio Ghibli films by Hayao Miyazaki (the last three that they haven’t already released, that is): Porco Rosso, My Neighbor Totoro, and Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (release date is August 31st)

Nausicaa suffered from an incomplete source material and rushed production, and it shows; it’s easily the weakest Ghibli work and you have my permission to skip it. However, My Neighbor Totoro is a rare joy (FOX already released it on DVD a couple years ago, but it’s English-only and it has about as many special features as I have bodybuilding-related trophies), and Porco Rosso remains one of my two or three favorite movies ever, no exaggeration.

Watching anime generally makes you a geek, but not Miyazaki’s films. Watching Miyazaki makes you a man.

Beware image-spoilery, and also watch out for some of the potty mouths on that board. But wow, what an image!

Can anyone tell me exactly how a movie can win an Oscar for “Best Editing” when all signs seem to point to it having literally had no editor?

For a roundup of the Oscars RoTK should have won, click here.

And the Legolas joke was just one I was repeating from the guys at PointlessWasteofTime.com, so there. Besides, don’t shoot the messenger.

Y’all need to stop trying to provoke me, is what I’m saying.

Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

Don’t get me wrong, Watanabe is a great actor with charisma to spare. After seeing The Last Samurai, I had half a mind to hire the dude to follow me around town because the pure force of his scowl alone would be enough to deter any attacks on my person. But hasn’t Ra’s always been European?

Also, does anyone know how good Watanabe’s English is? It was heavily-accented but understandable in TLS; it’s possible that his American accent is much better and he was merely pulling a Lambert Wilson for the dramatic effect. Oh well; at least it guarantees he’ll sound cool calling Bale “detective”.

Does this mean that Talia will also be Japanese, or what?

Don’t get me wrong, Watanabe is a great actor who has charisma to spare. After seeing The Last Samurai, I had half a mind to hire the dude to follow me around town because the pure force of his scowl alone would be enough to deter any attacks on my person. But hasn’t Ra’s always been European?

Also, does anyone know how good Watanabe’s English is? It was heavily-accented but understandable in TLS; it’s possible that his American accent is much better and he was merely pulling a Lambert Wilson for the dramatic effect. Oh well; at least it guarantees he’ll sound cool calling Bale “detective”.

Does this mean that Talia will also be Japanese, or what?

That’s, um… that’s actually kinda cool.

Lucius Fox. Morgan Freeman.

Huh.

First Firefly is cancelled, then Buffy limps to its finale, and now Angel is axed. I pretty much have no more reason to watch TV now.

[Not to mention the fact that Jonah Goldberg is semi-bailing on his readers, but that's hardly an MD topic.]

Here’s hoping for some truly great uber-crossover TV movies to tie up all the Buffyverse loose ends.

NOTE: Expect Hutch to make another post on this subject within the next half hour

The trailer for the new Viggo Mortensen film Hidalgo that I’ve been seeing for what seems like a year now (rarely a good sign, incidentally) was sufficiently rousing and might have even gotten me to see the movie.

Unfortunately, not only does it look like the movie is pretty bad, but it seems as if the Frank Hopkins individual the film is based on is the Old West’s equivalent of Michael Moore.

So even if “Aragorn Skywalker’s 2-Hour Podrace” does turn out to be a decent flick, I myself have little interest in seeing a prolific liar’s lies be glorified on the big screen.

Of course, it’s the “Special Editions”, not the original theatrical cuts, being released. Even speaking as a sometime-defender of the SEs, I have to wonder exactly HOW hard it would have been for Flannel the Hutt to release both versions.

If the Alien “Quadrilogy” can have two different cuts for each movie, yer darn tootin’ that Star Wars could. Sigh… just don’t add anything else, okay?

Simply looking at the trailer is enough to give ya goosebumps. I say if you’re going to overuse CGI and bluescreen technology, it should be for something like this. You listening, Lucas?

But strangely enough, nobody seems to have linked to the set reports at least two websites have made from SC:TWOT while I was in Vegas this weekend Shame!

Clickety-clickety:

CHUD set report one
CHUD set report two
AICN set report
AICN webmaster Harry Knowles rambles on about the movie’s influences… with pictures

Reading about the movie would only make me more excited about seeing it, and I’m excited enough to start punching random people as it is, so.

June 11th, baby.

New Spider-Man 2 picture, is what I’m getting at. Enjoy.

New Spider-Man 2 picture, is what I’m getting at. Enjoy.

I know that the movie’s review-proof and all (TTT certainly proved that last year), but honestly… it’s awful. Terrible. At times it is howlingly, horrifyingly bad. I’m not being sarcastic– I don’t think that there is literally one entire scene that is not in some way marred by some manner of idiocy.

And although it may come as a surprise to some people who know, I often DO doubt myself, and wonder if I’m right. More than once I’ve pondered the possibility that I’m just being an arbitrary crank, feeling a needless an inexplicable cynicism towards the last two LOTR movies.

But then, Jackson and co. add in a scene where Elrond explains that Sauron has somehow poisoned Arwen and if Sauron doesn’t die then Arwen will soon (and people thought that the Joker killing Batman’s parents was stupid), and I doubt myself no more; this script was indeed written by idiots. Or, how the Paths of the Dead somehow got turned into Disneyland’s freaking Haunted Mansion, cackling ghosts and all.

I’m sorry, I’m so terribly sorry. Hey, it’s 4:40 a.m., I’m allowed to be melodramatic.

Oh, and one more thing: after this movie gets the obligatory raves, if I ever hear one more person claim that John Woo overuses slow motion, then here comes Mr. Punch.

This year Harry’s selection process for the participants differed– and now we know why. The final film shown was a very rough cut of Mel Gibson’s upcoming powerhouse “The Passion of the Christ” (originally entitled simply “The Passion”, until the fat babies at Miramax whined that they already had a movie named that).

For those not familiar with the film, it is uber-Catholic (who knew?) Gibson’s highly-graphic, highly-visual labor of love about the last twelve hours in the life of Jesus Christ. For reasons of realism, the only languages spoken in the film are Latin and Aramaic (with subtitles, although originally Mel did not want them in at all).

Everyone who has seen the film thus far was left stunned by its power; BNAT attenders are, interestingly, no exception. Barely a day removed from the proceedings, AICN is already reviewing the crap out of the movie.

Keep in mind that they all watched the film at the tail end of 30 straight hours of non-stop movie-watching. And that the first film of the night was “Return of the King”, with Peter Jackson himself in attendance. And that the cut of “The Passion” was extremely rough, with only about 30% of the music done, many of the shots not color-timed yet, and plenty of special effects incomplete.

When hardened, cynical, liberal movie geeks come away from a film the same way as Kathryn Jean Lopez, it is time to pay attention.

Come February 25, Martin Scorsese’s “Jesus” (in “The Last Temptation of Christ”) will be barely a distant memory.

“You have to know. Even if you don’t believe, you have to know.”

The Atomic Comics I pre-ordered Job Wanted from called me today to tell me I could pick it up, but when I went down there later this skinny girl with a USSR-logo shirt (hammer, sickle, and all) told me I COULDN’T get it and the manager must have been confused. But after I threatened to call Michael Hutchison HIMSELF to settle the matter, she whimpered, backed down, and gave it to me without a fuss! Yeah, that’s what I’m talking out.

Aw, I’m just kidding, that didn’t happen. Even I don’t name-drop that badly. I just told her how I’d pre-paid for it a few months ago (hence the confusion) and she let me have it. Nice commie.

But, to the review. Keep in mind that I don’t exactly have a completely objective viewpoint, because… well, duh.

I believe that a “Good show!” (with the best British accent I can muster) is in order.

I honestly was kinda worried about this one. I’d promised to review it in the last post’s comments section, but it occurred to me: What if I didn’t like it? Or worse: what if I thought it was mediocre, but hyped it up to myself and others because I know a guy or two who created it?

Well, I feel silly. “Job Wanted” is a big bowl of fun. And that’s a bowl for eating, not a toilet bowl. In case you were wondering.

Anthology titles are tricky, so after some thought I figure it’d be best to review each of the eight stories individually (now keep in mind that I am completely unfamiliar with any of these creators’ previous works and characters):

Behind The Fuzz– the story of how the Fanzing staff made the transition from web geeks to comic-making geeks. Funny, fourth wall-breaking, and quick story in the vein of Scott McCloud– who makes an appropriate “cameo”. Good intro; it works well for people familiar with the FZ staff and complete newcomers alike. But I don’t even TRY to tell me you didn’t steal that Stan Lee gag from “Freakazoid”.

Gone to Texas: Rogue– Interesting way to start out a book that’s generally light in tone like this one. I appreciated it more the second time around, though, with its brief but thoughtful message on “freedom”. Wonderful art by Philip Neundorf.

The Slime– With its fast pace, silly scenario, emphasis on the titular substance, and “gotcha!” ending, I think the best way to describe this one would be to say that it’s kind of a “Goosebumps” for the comic books set. Trust me when I say that I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I usually don’t have much patience for short stories (yes, I’m talking to you, Stephen King) but this is one done right: clear, compact, funny.

Night Route– In all honestly, probably my least favorite of the book. It wasn’t entirely clear to me who these character were or what exactly the setting was. And thanks to the black-and-white art, at first glance the heroine and the villain (when in his “disguise”) look almost identical. Sort of lacked any real punch, IMO.

Enigma in Outer Space– With its thorough dialogue, well-established setting, and clearly-defined characters, this feels like the most “complete” story in the comic and is probably my favorite. This might have something to do with the fact that is indeed the longest; some might say it also might have to do with the fact that it’s written by my “boss” here at MD– but rest assured that Hutch is not signing any paychecks for me, no sir. It’s got solid art and dialogue, a great twist that I didn’t see coming, and a nice (and not overdone) theme of companionship. Feels like it wouldn’t be at all out of place as an episode of “The Twilight Zone”.

Beekeeper– Seems very much like an old-school, (like REALLY old-school) gritty vigilante comic. Probably would have had more impact on me if I’d been familiar with the (non-Henry Pym) Yellow Jacket before now. Also, surprisingly brutal in contrast with the rest of “Job Wanted”, I must say.

Devil in the Playbox– About a priest entering a video game to combat the Devil. You want camp? We got some camp. A fun story, but to me it felt sometimes the humor was just a bit too out there to be maintained. A lot of great lines, though.

Evil, Inc.– The instant I read the line, “Unwilling to accept charity, they bartered their services to him instead. This resulted in them giving him two ninjas for one dairy cow”, I knew this was the funniest story in here, and it rivals Enigma in Outer Space as my favorite. In addition to some deviously clever humor and an art style that matches the tone perfectly, the Brothers Grinn win further points for originality because instead of aiming for a full-but-brief narrative like the other writers, they used the limited space (eight pages in their case) to turn their segment into an extended guided tour/advertisement of a fake talent agency/crate-and-barrel store for supervillains. This is one I’ll likely be showing to non-comics fans to get them interested.

All in all, eight fun stories plus the opportunity to support talented independent comic creators makes this one a bargain at six bucks (seven if you’re a filthy Canadian).

Oh– and I can’t forget to mention the cover art (and various title pages’ art inside) by Rosaline Terrill. They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but darn if it doesn’t have a psychological effect on buyers anyway– so fortunately Terrill’s front cover graphic is sharp & colorful, and it sets the right mood for the book while giving each of the main characters their visual due as well. Great stuff.

So what’s next for the Fanzing crew? This is a promising beginning that darn well better open some doors for ‘em in the industry. And even if it doesn’t–Make mine Fuzzball!

Hellboy trailer. Online. In Quicktime. Click here and watch.

Personally, I’ve never read any Hellboy, but I’ll get to correcting that quite soon, I imagine. Something about this trailer gets to me– maybe the inherent silliness contrasted with the dark subject matter, or the superb makeup for the title character, or the fact that Selma Blair has somehow become even more adorable. It might very well be the delivery of “Ya missed!”, which I am literally unable to get tired of.

I say that we should all support this film. To not support Ron Perlman is to be un-American.

You know, maybe I’m just a big softie, but every time Lee brings up his longtime friendship with everyone’s favorite Grand Moff, I can’t help but be touched.

Click here to read it.

Then, click here to read about someone reacting to a portion of it in the most childish way possible.

While I’ve certainly said no shortage of nasty personal things about Alfonso Cuaron the leftist individual, I have little more than great respect for Alfonso Cuaron the Director. He can, at times, create a truly magical cinematic experience. This highly lyrical teaser trailer for Harry Potter 3 certainly seems to reflect that in no small measure.

While the first two films were certainly charming, they were (as everyone and their mother has taken pains to point out) very little more than filmic “Reader’s Digest” versions of the books. The completely un-Columbus-like Cuaron at the helm of the third film is a good sign for a change in direction of the franchise.

It wasn’t too bad.

The way these guys use silliness, penis jokes, and bolded text… I swear. Example:

#20) The Matrix: Reconsidered, 5

Neo can move faster than sound, yet can’t move blindingly through bullet time and simply disarm the security guards rather than slaughtering them? It looks like Neo learned his disarming techniques from George W. Bush.

I don’t care who ya are, that’s funny.

P.S. Read their News Skim for a daily dose of hilarity, but be warned that there is an absurdly disgusting graphic at the top.

Anyway I know I already wrote a “review” of “Kill Bill: Volume One” after I saw a sneak preview on Monday, but I thought up the most perfect way to describe the movie:

Remember that part in “Pulp Fiction” when Butch, in spite of all that’s transpired between them, decides to go back and save Marcellus from his “Deliverance”-like fate in the basement, and he searches around upstairs for a suitable weapon, and finally he lays eyes on that awesome samurai sword and the camera pans up to the sword just as that kickin’ music on the soundtrack is hitting its crescendo and the entire audience is like “FREAKING AWESOME!”, do you remember that part?

“Kill Bill” is like that all the time.

Tim Burton is a person who usually makes very good movies; I think that it would be nice if this turns out to be another one of those good movies, yes I do.

I’m going to keep this “review” short and sweet, because the fact is that if I let myself talk about this movie at length I’m going to start rambling like Harry Knowles, which is rarely a good thing.

The movie is wonderful. It kicks and screams and tears and beats and loves and bites and rocks your face off. It’s a piece of manic beauty; very few films are so all over the place and make it work so well.

I’m just [exceptionally miffed] that I have to wait until freaking FEBRUARY to see the second part… even though I know pretty much everything that happens.

(P.S. Thank you, God, for giving Sonny Chiba to the world)

[Words in brackets have been substituted for the original, slightly-more colorful words first used by Eric. Just keeping it all-ages-friendly here, folks. - Ye ed.]

This is not acceptable.

That’s a link to a page from the upcoming Avengers #71, for those of you not in the know. It contains appallingly suggestive sexual content between Hank and Jan Pym, aka Yellowjacket and the Wasp. They’re not actually married, but to be fair they’re divorced and seeing each other again, so it’s not THAT bad an example as far as that goes.

There’s been discussion about this at length in the Dixonverse forum, with many talking about how the page is inappropriate for children but whether that might or might not be moot because kids do not, sadly, read comic books in anywhere near the numbers that adults do. One poster even jumped in to basically say, “It’s just SEX, people! It happens!”

I think the point being missed here is that this is not simply two characters having implied sex; I could read that and roll my eyes and move on. This is someone who is using his powers to shrink himself down to ant-size and do something (figure it out people) to a woman’s nether regions that gets her moaning for more, and then he tells her “YOUR turn”. Dunno about you, but that line says to me that she is now going to be using HER power (namely, shrinking down to the size of a wasp) to somehow get him off. Now maybe I’m too perverted or not perverted enough or whatever, but the only conclusion I can draw from that is really, really, really gross.

It’s not that I’m some kind of prude; I talk about ten nastier things than this every day before lunch. But this is a mainstream comic book, people, and stuff like this is inappropriate. If I turn on my tape of the Smallville season premiere and see Clark going “doggy style” with a prostitute or two, I’ll be infuriated NOT because I haven’t seen worse stuff than that (I have, trust me), but because I saw it on prime-time, network television. I mean, that’d be like if Joss Whedon had ruined a perfectly beautiful love song between the show’s two lesbian characters in the sixth season of BtVS’s “musical” episode by including a tasteless rug-munching gag. Oh, wait, that happened too.

There is no excuse for this kind of trash. There is no issue of artistic freedom or being “true to the character” here. This is just about a couple of comic book makers who wanted to be able to point and snicker, “Heh heh, look what we did!”

I have no recourse but to respond in a likewise immature manner.
Hey Marvel: PBBBBBBBBTH!

Return of the King trailer is online, people!

I swear, you guys must be losin’ it in your old age.

Anyway, I must say that this trailer looks amazing… but then, even more so did the full-length trailer for “The Two Towers”, and I still stand by my opinion that although it had no shortage of good or great parts, at least 40-60% of it was utter ass. Horrible pacing, horrible changes from the book (Faramir, where art thou?), a ridiculously long sequence with Arwen/Aragorn that accomplished nothing, even more “Oh no, is (main character X) dead?!?!” nonsense like in the first movie (Aragorn falling off the cliff, horses about to trample Pippin, etc), and Gimli being reduced to so much comic relief that he was all but slipping on banana peels and farting– no doubt in RoTK he’ll be wearing a clown nose at some point and be always walking next to Yao Ming just to demonstrate that he is, get this, very short. Very big disappointment after PJ’s wonderful adaptation of Fellowship.

Also, I re-read RoTK this summer, and there’s easily about three movies worth of plot in there. Jackson’s case is not helped much by the fact that he ended his TTT movie early and thus will have that much more story to cram into RoTK. Sigh. I weep for all of Tolkien’s grand, loving detail that will be lost.

Rant’s over. Go about your business. It IS an awesome trailer, after all.